


Five Times Plus One

by Hardrada



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:29:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27352747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hardrada/pseuds/Hardrada
Summary: This one is a definite AU.  Bones is part of Starfleet, Jim isn’t, never was, and never wanted to be.  He’s a directionless genius-level kid who doesn’t know what to do with himself.  As ever, stuff happens and there’s the obligatory happy ending.BIG HONKING WARNING:  THERE IS VERY OBVIOUS SEXUAL ASSAULT IN THIS ONE.  NOTHING GRAPHIC IS DESCRIBED, BUT IT’S ABSOLUTELY CLEAR WHAT’S HAPPENED.  IF THIS IS SOMETHING THAT TRIGGERS YOU, THEN YOU WILL WANT TO AVOID THIS FIC, OR AT LEAST THE SECTION MARKED ‘TWO’.  IT IS NEEDED, BECAUSE IT SERVES AS THE TRIGGER FOR BONES TO MAKE A DECISION
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 10
Kudos: 79





	Five Times Plus One

**Author's Note:**

> As ever, huge thanks for the comments and kudos. We have just been put back into lockdown for another month here in the UK, so it’s so lovely to have everybody here in the corner of fandom labelled ‘McKirk’ to hang out with.
> 
> I appear to have become an angsty hurt/comfort lover, so next time I’m going to try and go back to something a bit lighter. Still got to have Kirk tripping over Kevin...

_Five Times Plus One_

_One_  
"Come on, Len, you’re so boring. Come on out just one night!” Leonard McCoy’s roomate, Isaac, pulled at his sleeve like an over-eager dormouse. “Exams are over, and we need to celebrate!”

Len sighed but knew he wouldn’t get away with it for much longer. He spent a lot of time avoiding going out with his colleagues, or indeed anyone. A student’s idea of a party wasn’t his. He was a sit in a corner with a good bourbon and the latest article on cutting edge medical discovery. His fellow students didn’t care what they drank and spent most of their time trying to get into each other’s pants. Sometimes, Leonard felt very, very old.

“Just a couple then”, he said grudgingly. “I want to watch tomorrow’s surgery”.

“Of course you do”. Isaac made for the door. “Come on, we’re meeting a couple of guys at the Moonlight and then seeing where the evening takes us”. He grinned evilly over his shoulder. “I’m hoping mine finishes somewhere in the vicinity of Rachel Suarez. That woman is hot”.

“And she’s way out of your league”, said Leonard. “She’s a mature woman who wouldn’t look twice at a scrap like you”.

“We shall see”. Isaac fell down the last two stairs of flight they were descending, and Leonard mentally rested his case.

“Leonard!” A different voice called his name and he looked around to see El, a fellow student, approach him. He smiled, pleased to see her. She was much more like him; she was serious and not one for going out. He could perhaps use her as an excuse to cry off tonight.

“El”, he responded. “How are you? What are you doing?”

“Oh, meeting a couple of girlfriends”, she said, destroying his last hope. “They’re going travelling tomorrow so we’re having a farewell outing tonight. And what about you?”

“Much the same. End of term, and so I said I would go for a drink or two”.

“Or three!” Isaac said, in such an ingratiating fashion that Leonard cringed. God, what was he doing?

“Enjoy”, said El. “I just wanted to check whether you’ll be attending the surgery tomorrow”.

“Definitely”, said Leonard with more eagerness than he had displayed for the rest of the evening.

“Good, I’ll see you then”. She cast a glance at Isaac. “Enjoy yourself”. Leonard was fairly sure that she caught a somewhat supercilious glint in her eye. He didn’t blame her.

It started pretty well. The Moonlight was a decent bar and it wasn’t too crowded. Leonard, bundled up into a booth with some of his colleagues, drank a reasonable bourbon and felt himself relax a little. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if they could just stay here. He drank another one and reminded himself to slow down. It would be too embarrassing if he ended up being the one who got drunk and humiliated himself.

Rachel Suarez came in, all big hair and knowing looks, and Isaac practically fell over his tongue.

“She’s out of your league”, Leonard said again. “I’m begging you, don’t make a fool of yourself with her. She could walk over you without even seeing you”.

Isaac never took in one word Leonard said. He simply stared at her, his heart in his eyes It was so obvious that Rachel noticed, and she absolutely killed him stone dead with a single scornful look. It was full on homicide, and frankly Leonard found it very impressive. He was no slouch in the dirty looks stakes, but by crikey, he could learn from Suarez. Isaac crumpled like tissue paper.

“Weakling”, Leonard said. “Are you going to let one look destroy you?”

“That was more than a look”, Isaac said. “That was - and oh god look!” Mo Ashraf, the best looking guy in their year, sauntered in and made straight for Suarez who greeted him with the kind of kiss that was usually kept behind closed doors.

“I can’t compete with him”, Isaac moaned.

“Yes you could”, Leonard said. “They’re both airheads though - they suit each other”. He knocked back his drink. “Don’t worry about it”.

“It’s all very well for you to say that”, Isaac said. “I’ve never seen you with anybody. Do you even know how it feels, to have your heart broken?”

Leonard ignored the question. He didn’t go around answering personal questions; what his past held was nobody’s business but his own, and the people who had been involved. He gazed into his glass and mused that perhaps he should feel lonely, but he never had; his life was his work and his work was his life. There was no room for anybody, and there was certainly nobody special enough to distract him from his chosen path. He continued to gaze into the glass. Perhaps he shouldn’t go for the strong stuff for the rest of the evening.

So it went like that for a while. Leonard stopped drinking so much, although his companions mocked him for it, and Isaac vanished into a ball of misery, but everybody ignored him because he’d be in love with someone else next week.

After a couple of hours it was decided to move on. Which is to say Rashid, the ringleader, decided it was time to move on and make a lot of noise in the street, to Leonard’s secret annoyance. He had so been born a 50 year old man.

“I’m staying here”, he said as the others made getting up ready to go noises. “Go on without me”.

“You make it sound as if we’re leaving you in the forest to die”, said Rashid. “Why are you so fucking boring?”

“Not boring, little boy”, said Leonard. “Just sensible. You’ll be all grown up like me one day”.

“Hope not”. With that Rashid gathered his posse together and swept them out of the bar, leaving Leonard behind. He sighed in relief. He would just stay for a little longer - he was very comfortable in his booth - and then make his way back to the dorm. He wished he’d brought a PADD.

He knocked back the last of his drink and slid out of the booth, nodding at the bar staff as he left and glaring at Suarez as she giggled like the drunken fool she was. She was destined for ground crew, one of the minor cogs in the machine. People like Suarez burned bright and burned fast. _In ten years, Isaac, you’ll wonder what you ever saw in her._

Just as he approached the door, there was a sudden surge of noise in the back of the bar where a bunch of cadets were gathered, all of them drunk, all of them rowdy. Leonard would have ignored them, as he had been ignoring them all night, except that the tone of the noise attracted his attention. They sounded as if they were hunting, and the sudden crash of breaking glass made him realise that he hadn’t been far wrong. He turned without thinking, and made his way towards the noise. If this wasn’t broken up quickly then security would be called, and they would all be in trouble. Sure, he could have left, but something made him go towards the noise rather than away from it.

A group of cadets were gathered in a circle, surrounding something on the ground all of them whooping and shouting, some of them occasionally reaching out to kick at whatever was in front of them. Leonard couldn’t make it out immediately but then the scene suddenly coalesced. There were three of them, two in cadet red and one local in ripped pants and shirt. The two cadets were beating the ever-living crap out of the farmboy, although the kid was still fighting hard, seemingly almost impervious to the pain he must be feeling from the beating he was getting. He was a street fighter, that much was clear, wriggling and biting and kicking, and he was slightly built in comparison to his attackers. As Leonard watched, the kid flipped himself over onto his belly and began to crawl away, but then one of the onlookers pushed him back in. With a snarl, the kid grabbed his assailant’s leg and very simply bit it as hard as he could, making the rest of the circle laugh and his victim howl and kick, catching the kid a glancing blow on the jaw that sent him spinning back into the centre of the group.

“Enough!” Leonard raised his voice in a stentorian roar. “What the fuck do you kids think you’re doing?” He pushed his way through the circle of assailants. “Go on, fuck off before security gets here, go on, git!”

“Who the fuck are you?” This was one of the two main assailants, a burly man who stood hunched over, hands on knees, glaring at Leonard. “What is it to you what we’re doing?”

“Because you’re not fucking basket weaving are you?” shouted Leonard, getting right up in the other guy’s face. “You’re beating someone up. In a bar. Whilst in uniform. Oh, and did I mention, you’re beating someone up? A local. The first cardinal sin. Do not antagonise the locals. Remember that?”

“He started it”, came a voice from the now thinning circle of onlookers and Leonard turned around, laughing scornfully.

“’He started it’? What the fuck are we, twelve?” Leonard dismissed them with a wave of his hand. If they wanted to hang around, fine. Security would be here any minute, he was sure. The bar couldn’t afford to cause a rift between the locals and Starfleet; they would have to obey the rules. He moved to the centre of the circle and knelt by the kid, who was now lying on his back, his hands over his face, blood bubbling between his fingers. He mumbled something and fought Leonard as he tried to pull his hands down.

“Okay, kid”, he said. “I’m a med student, let me see you”.

The kid moved his head away from Leonard’s hands, muttering incoherently.

“Stop it!” Leonard snapped. “I’m trying to help you. These bastards have kicked you into next week. Let me see the damage”.

“Fuck off”. The sound was muffled but perfectly audible.

“Just - are you going to move your hands or am I going to have to do it for you?”

“Nice bedside manner”. Eyes of a startling colour and clarity opened and stared up at him. One was swelling, but it didn’t detract from their beauty and Leonard caught himself staring in a most unprofessional way.

“It takes years of practice”, he said gruffly. “Now move your fucking hands, farmboy. Now”.

“Jesus”. The kid lowered his hands. He had very clearly cut his mouth on his teeth and Leonard looked up.

“Get me some ice”, he demanded, and miraculously some appeared. He unceremoniously shoved it into the kid’s mouth. “Suck that”, he said. “It’ll help”. The kid smirked and Leonard felt his eyes roll.

“What did you do?” he asked. “What brought this on?”

“I may have suggested that one or two of them were having intimate knowledge of each other. Didn’t realise they were so - straight”. He smirked. “Gimme some time though…”

“God, you could do with shutting that smart mouth”. Leonard ran his hands gently over the kid’s body checking for damage.

“I think you’ve got away with it”, he said finally. “But you could do with going to the med centre to be properly checked.

The kid swallowed the last of the melted ice and rolled away, wincing. “I’m fine, dad. Leave me alone”.

Leonard stood up. “Okay, you little fucker. Maybe I see now why you were getting seven shades kicked out of you. But it’s still my job to tell you to go to the med centre. You could have some damage that can only be seen with a scanner”.

“I’m fine”. The kid looked at Leonard, and clambered to his feet, wincing. “Thanks”.

Leonard watched the kid make his way out of the bar, unsteady on his feet but not in Leonard’s view, about to keel over. Weird little fucker.

Weird, gorgeous little fucker.

_Two_  
The weird, gorgeous little fucker resurfaced at unexpected moments in Leonard’s mind for the next week or so. Those eyes had been quite remarkable… 

Isaac left a week later, no longer mooning over Rachel Suarez, but instead madly in love with someone called, if he was to be believed, Orlando. Whatever. Leonard wasn’t sorry to see him go. He had lined himself up a job at the medical centre for the entire vacation, and was looking forward to some proper hands-on medicine after what was way too long. 

“Too many exams getting in the way”, he told El when he saw her on the morning of his first shift. “I’ve been doing so many virtual operations that I’m worried I’ll forget my patients are real and I can’t push a reset button if it goes wrong”.

“You’ll do great”, El said. “You always do”. She smiled. “See you after your shift, maybe? We could have a drink and you can tell me all about your first day”.

“Sounds good. I’ll be off at 9pm. Meet at the Moonlight?”

Plans made, Leonard entered the medical centre. Truth be told, he had no nerves at all. This was what he was trained to do and more to the point, what he was born for. He couldn’t wait to start.

His first patient was a young male Omegan with both legs broken after what was nothing more than a tumble, and after that, he didn’t look up for the rest of his shift, finishing just before 9pm after a 12 hour shift that had left him exhausted but elated. 

“I had forgotten this”, he said to El. “Forgotten how great it feels to be actually doing something. I seem to have been at the Academy forever now, instead of in the field, doing what I should be doing”. He took a good slurp of his bourbon. “It made me desperate to get this out of the way and get back to what matters. If it hadn’t been for what Starfleet offer in the way of opportunities I think I would have been happy to stay in Georgia”.

“I could see you in about fifty years”, El mused, sipping her own drink. “In a little backwoods place in Georgia, looking after the locals, their own grumpy doctor”. She smiled at his expression. “But until then, I can also see you at the cutting edge of medicine”.

“Sounds like a decent life”. Leonard smiled and raised his glass in salute.

Their brief silence was broken into by raucous laughter from a group of young men - off-duty cadets, Leonard guessed - congregated at the bar. Leonard made a mental note to find another bar; he’d had enough of the loutish behaviour of his Starfleet colleagues. He felt about a million years old as he listened to them, their crude comments and laughter impinging on his conversation with El, who raised her eyebrow at him. “Such gentlemen”, she muttered. “Leonard, I’m going to leave. I can do without listening to that kind of talk”.

“Of course”, Leonard half rose as she stood. “Next time, we go somewhere a little quieter. Do you want me to see you home?”

“No need”, El said. “I may drop in on Rowenna. See you soon”. she dropped a kiss on his cheek and made her way out of the bar. Leonard watched as she turned left, heading for her sister’s quarters, and then quickly finished his drink preparatory to leaving himself. There was a sudden lull in the noise from the group of cadets, and as suddenly, as clearly as if it had been whispered in his ear, Leonard heard one of them say in a voice full of smugness and - surely - pride, “”Got the kid airtight in the back alley. Little shit fought, but we had him”. The noise redoubled, with catcalls and raucous cheers.

“Mind and get your shots, man!” another of the group shouted, to more ribald laughter. “Christ knows what you’ll catch”.

“Little fucker did bite, now you mention it”, came the first voice. “Or he did until we found something else for his mouth to do”. More laughter. “Better get a shot for rabies at least!”

Leonard had heard enough. He stood up and quickly made his way to the bar, asking the server for a bottle. As he waited, he looked at the group of cadets, fixing them in his mind.

As the server handed over the water, he leaned forward, and pitching his voice low said, “Call Starfleet security. Tell them to hold all those cadets. My name is Leonard McCoy and I’m a doctor. I think they have attacked someone, and I’m going to find them. You make sure that none of them get away, all right?” Wide eyed, the server nodded.

Ignoring the looks he got as he crashed out, he left the bar as quickly as he could and skidded to a halt just outside the bar. He scanned the street. There was only one suitable place; a dark alleyway that led down the side of the building, poorly lit and stinking of piss and other, less immediately identifiable substances. Leonard approached the mouth of the alley and heard scrabbling, then a muffled grunt. Activating the light on his comms unit, Leonard entered the alley and moved slowly down it until his light caught movement and he focused on that spot.

A young man was on all fours, retching and heaving, his head sunk low, the flesh of his back on show through a ripped jacket and shirt.

“Hey”. Leonard spoke softly so the young man wouldn’t start too badly. “I’m a medic, I’m here to help”.

“Help yourself, maybe. Fucking Starfleet”. The young man raised his head and glanced round. Leonard was once again faced with those startling eyes, once more full of anger, only this time there was something else there as well. An endless depth of pain and hurt. “What do you want, man? Seconds?”

As the young man turned around so that his back was against the filthy wall, Leonard saw to his horror that the dark jeans were ripped and unfastened at the waist, and he understood then what had been done to this young man.

“I’ve called security”, he said. 

“Oh, and what do you think security will do?” Scorn rang through every syllable. “Me, a dumb farmboy against Starfleet? Whose word are they going to believe? Not mine”. He sat down gingerly, hands across his belly. “So no, no security. The second they come, I’m gone”.

“Okay”. Leonard knew his time was going to be measured in minutes, so he couldn’t take as much time as he would have liked. He took another step forward, freezing as he saw the kid tense. “Look, I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to help you if I can”. He bent down and put the bottle on the ground. “I brought you some water. Think you might need it”.

“I know you”. The kid suddenly looked at him properly. “You wanted to help me once before”. Full lips twisted in a bitter smirk. “Why? Do you want some kind of reward?” He gestured to himself. “Not much left to offer”.

“Let me help you”, Leonard said again. “You could be - torn. Depending on what they did to you. “There may be infections”. Another step, hands spread wide so that the kid could see he meant nothing hostile by it. “Kid, I just want to help you”.

“Why?” The kid dug his fists into his belly. “Why should you be any different to them”. He tilted his head, clearly meaning his assailants. Leonard watched his hands, saw the scratches and scrapes, and couldn’t help himself. “Oh Christ, kid, what did they do to you?”

“What do you think?” said the boy bitterly. “And I still don’t know what you think I’m going to do for you. You want me to thank you for the water?”

“My name’s Leonard”. Another half step closer. “And I’m a med student. I can’t not help you. It’s what I have to do”.

For a second, it almost felt as if the kid was going to relent, but then he struggled to his feet, clearly in some pain, and pushed himself upright, leaning against the wall for support. “Thanks but no thanks”, he said. “I don’t want you anywhere near me. I don’t want anybody touching me, especially not you people”.

By which he meant Starfleet, Leonard realised. Jesus, this kid was a mess, but he couldn’t - he just couldn’t - walk away. 

But he also couldn’t force the kid to stay. He didn’t want to be helped, and Leonard had no right to make him stay. All he could do was hold out a hand as if to stop him, which the kid looked at as if it were poison.

“At least take the water”. Leonard gestured at the bottle. “And kid, please, please go to your local doctor, go to the medical centre, go somewhere where you can be taken care of”.

“I think your friends took real good care of me”. The kid crouched down, wincing, not taking his eyes off Leonard, and snatched up the bottle.

“Where will you go?” Leonard asked, rather desperately.

“Why would that be your business?” The kid was backing down the alley now, holding himself as if he were in great pain. “Stay away from me, man. Just stay away”. He began to melt into the shadows.

“Thanks for the water”. The voice was muffled, as if the kid had turned his back. Then he was gone. Leonard could hear him making his unsteady way down the alley, and he swore aloud, making the steps falter. This was the second time this kid had refused his help, and the second time he had been left feeling helpless.

“Find me if you need help”, he called. “I’m at the med centre. My name is Leonard. Leonard McCoy”.

“Okay, Leonard Leonard McCoy”, came the voice, growing still more distant. 

Flashing lights caught in the periphery of his vision and he turned in time to see the first of the Starfleet security team arrive. Taking a deep breath, he made his way out of the alley and raised his hand.

Later, as he watched the cadets being led away, some pale and shocked, others cocky and arrogant, he thought again of the kid, of the look in his eyes, the look of betrayal. He thought of the pain the kid would be in, mental and physical, and cursed aloud that he was unable to help. But he also made a promise: he would find that kid and he would find a way to help him.

_Three_  
Leonard looked for the kid in vain for the next couple of months but with no luck. Isaac came back, no longer in love with the unlikely Orlando, and lectures resumed. Leonard found himself losing patience with them. Suddenly they seemed - unreal. All this theoretical bullshit was well and good, but what use was it when a damaged and frightened boy wouldn’t let himself be helped?

“What’s got into you?” Isaac pushed aside his PADD and stared at Leonard, who was looking at nothing. “You’ve not been the same since I got back”.

“Huh?” Leonard blinked himself back. “No, it’s nothing, it’s - Isaac, I - No, it’s nothing”. For some reason Leonard didn’t want to say anything. He had tried to keep his part in the arrest of the cadets quiet, and had succeeded in making it appear that he had just happened to be there, not that he was the main reason for what had happened. He had been disgusted when nothing had happened other than an official censure. They were all still in Starfleet. So perhaps the kid had been right. Nothing would happen, because they had only hurt a farmboy.

He felt - done. It was that perhaps, more than anything else, that made him realise Starfleet wasn’t the way for him. He was having such doubts about his future, and yet couldn’t seem to find anyone to talk to. El, his closest friend, had taken a sabbatical quite suddenly, pausing only long enough to tell him that she at last knew what she was going to do with her life, and that revolved around paediatrics. And so she too would no doubt be leaving Starfleet. 

“Things are changing”, he said, and Isaac looked a question at him. “People are moving on, finding what they want to do with their lives”.

“That’s a good thing though, surely?” Isaac wasn’t prone to introspection. He was younger than Leonard, had ended up rooming with him by accident, and had no great affection for him or interest in him. In fact, most of the time he thought Leonard boring and bad-tempered. He put down the PADD. “Come on, let’s go to the Moonlight”.

“No!” The word was almost shouted. “I’m never going back to that place again. If you had any sense, you’d avoid it”.

“Well, maybe I don’t have sense”, snapped Isaac standing up. “I’ll see you”.

Leonard let him go, feeling old and tired and disillusioned. He stared at nothing for a long moment, thinking of a pair of anguished blue eyes and a voice filled with hurt.

“Fuck!” He stood up and threw his PADD across the room. He wasn’t getting anywhere like this. At least he could go out for a walk, try and clear his head. And maybe see the kid again.

_It’s fucking obsession, is what it is_ , he told himself as he stepped into the street, breathing in the cool air and glancing around. _You’ve fallen for a pair of blue eyes, you idiot. You promised yourself that you would be stronger next time, but no, all it took was a pretty face_. He sighed and turned away from the centre of the town where all the bars were located, heading instead for the darker area, weaving his way through the colleges and dorms that made up the Academy. 

_He was right. Starfleet is going to ignore it because he was nobody. It’s wrong._ He scuffed his way along, his mind whirling. _Maybe you should just go home, go back to Georgia. Be that local town doctor after all._

The smell of coffee reached his nostrils real, proper coffee, and it made him look around, surprised to see how far he had come during his musings. He was in a part of town where the locals went, rather than Starfleet members, and he was grateful he was wearing nondescript clothes. He followed the smell of coffee and found a little cafe tucked away. He glanced in and there he was. The kid. Sitting in one corner, a mug on the table in front of him and a book open in his hands, and Leonard didn’t even think before he turned and went through the door.

He carefully didn’t glance at the corner, simply bought himself a coffee and gestured behind him without looking. “Another one for my friend”. He paused, weighing the tact of his next move and then took the plunge. “And food. Get me a hamburger with everything. Get me two”.

Then he picked up the drinks and took a deep breath.

The kid didn’t look up, clearly absolutely engrossed, but he flinched badly when Leonard put the coffee on the table in front of him.

“Hey”, said Leonard, and watched the kid tense and then force himself to relax.

“You again”, he said, not meeting Leonard’s eyes. “You fucking stalking me?”

“No”. Leonard paused, absolutely unsure of where to go with this. He had come into the cafe on a whim when he saw the kid; he hadn’t really thought further than that. “Mind if I sit here?”

The kid looked around at the other tables, all but one of them empty and then back to Leonard, raising one eyebrow, but still not meeting his eyes. “Sure”, he said finally. “If you want”. He nodded towards the cup Leonard had put down. “That mine?”

“If you want”.

“Is it spiked? You going to take me into the back alley and fuck me? Or is it just your friends who do that?”

“They were no friends of mine, I think you know that”. Leonard sat down. “I wanted to help you”.

The kid leaned forward and held up his mug in an ironic toast. “Yeah, okay, you did”. He took a mouthful of the coffee. “Doesn’t taste spiked”. He looked up as the server arrived and put down the plates of food in front of them. “What’s this?”

“You need the calories”, Leonard said. “You’re all skin and bones”.

He could see the kid’s eyes flicker to the food and back. He was hungry, that much was obvious, but he didn’t want to give in. Leonard picked up his own burger and took a huge, greasy bite. “Christ, that is actually gorgeous”, he said. He nodded. “Eat”.

The kid picked up a fry and ate it in one gulp. His eyes, his remarkable, guarded, hurt eyes, looked back at him briefly and then back down again to the book in his hand.

“What is it you’re reading?” Leonard asked.

“A book”. The kid smirked and then scowled. “What do you want? This is the third time. What do you _want?_ ”

“I want to know you’re okay after what happened. I want to know that you’re going to be able to put it behind you. I want you to know that you were right; that Starfleet won’t do anything about it, and it disgusts me”. He looked down at his own food. “I want to know your name”.

“Jim”, the kid said readily enough. “James Tiberius Kirk at your service”. He bowed ironically over the table. “Why?”

“I don’t know”, Leonard admitted. “But I’ve been thinking about you”.

Jim looked at him, suspicion joining the other expressions in his eyes. “Why? I don’t understand”.

“Neither do I”, Leonard admitted. He stood up. “Sorry, I don’t mean anything by it. I just - I just saw you and wanted to make sure you were okay. Eat your food, have mine as well. You’re nothing but skin and bones”.

“You’ve said that before. Bones”. Jim’s mouth quirked. “I’ve told you mine, what’s yours?”

“It’s Leonard. Leonard Horatio McCoy”.

“Christ”, Jim exclaimed. “We weren’t exactly lucky in the name choices were we?” He nodded to the seat Leonard had just vacated. “Sit down, will you? You’re making my neck ache”.

Leonard sat down, very slowly and carefully, as if he were facing a wild animal. And maybe he was. There was something feral about this kid; if startled he would vanish into the night and never be seen again. It fascinated Leonard, although he couldn’t begin to explain himself.

Jim wolfed down the first burger, and then looked at Leonard’s plate. He pushed it over. “I meant what I said. You have it”.

Jim nodded and reached out but didn’t speak. He was clearly leaving it to Leonard to make any running.

“You enjoy reading?” Leonard asked feebly, nodding at the book.

“Nah, it just gives me something to hide behind when people try and pick me up”. Jim glanced up, and then seemed to relent. “Sorry, that was mean. It’s a textbook an astrophysics. It’s from Starfleet actually. Your cadets need to learn to take better care of their belongings. It was just lying on a bench in the park”. He smirked. “Well, okay, the guy who owned it was on the same bench, but he wasn’t being very observant”. He looked at Leonard. “You going to return it to him?”

“Not if you haven’t finished it”, said Leonard. “He should have kept a better eye on it. You interested in astrophysics? You ever thought about joining Starfleet?”

Jim was so startled by the question that he breathed in sharply and a lump of burger went down the wrong way, causing him to start coughing and choking, punching himself in the chest. Leonard stood up and went around the table, leaning Jim over and expertly smacking him hard on the back. Jim, eyes watering, took in a massive breath, and then another, waving his hand. “Christ, you trying to kill me? Damn nearly succeeded. No, I’m not interested in astrophysics or Starfleet. It’s just something to pass the time, to make me think. I like to think”. He looked up in thanks as the server brought him over a glass of water, and took a long drink, looking at Leonard over the rim of the glass.

“Why are you here?” he asked again. “You keep trying to help me, and I don’t want your help. You don’t belong in my world, and I sure as hell don’t belong in yours”.

“Jim”. Leonard began to lean forward, then caught himself when he saw Jim move back in his seat. “Jim, I have seen you hurt twice. The first time I thought was bad enough, but the second time, in the alley?” He glanced around and lowered his voice. “You were _raped_ , kid, by members of Starfleet, who weren’t even punished. And you acted as if it had happened before”. He narrowed his eyes. “Has it happened before?”

Jim shrugged, clearly beginning to close in on himself. “Maybe”, he said. “But not Starfleet”. He shook his head. “Just let it go, Bones, okay? I was grateful; I _am_ grateful; people don’t look out for me, but I don’t need your help”. He looked up, and Leonard got the full force of that startling gaze. “I don’t do friends or even acquaintances, okay? So thanks, but you know, no thanks”.

“Don’t assume”, Leonard snapped. “I said I was concerned, not that I wanted to know your life story. Brat”.

Jim, clearly startled, stared for a moment, and then laughed, and Leonard watched, entranced. When the kid laughed, he was transformed. It was as if the sun came out, and Leonard knew then, beyond doubt, that he was gone. He was going to win this kid; win his trust and win his friendship, at the very least. He was throwing down a metaphorical gauntlet.

“If I had friends, I think you’d be one”, Jim said finally. “I like your attitude”.

“You’d be the first person who did”, said Leonard. “I’m not exactly Mr Popular at the Academy”.

“Then what are you doing there?” The question was simple and direct.

“Because they can offer so much in the way of education and technology”, he said. “I’m not going to fly. I plan to work in a medical centre, maybe planet side or maybe I’ll go to one of the outposts, but I won’t fly”. He shrugged. “Don’t know how much longer I’ll be there, to be honest. After - what happened to you - it feels wrong”.

“Don’t let me influence you”, Jim said immediately. “That would be a stupid thing to do”.

“Don’t flatter yourself”. Leonard wanted to tell him about Georgia, about the little town where he would one day work as the doctor, looking after everybody, and everybody knowing who he was. That was his dream, but he wasn’t going to tell the kid about it. “What about you?” he said instead. “What do you want?”

A look passed over Jim’s face, so fleeting that it would have been easy to miss, but Leonard was obsessed with that face, and saw it. A look a utter longing; a look that spoke of dreams that could never come true because he didn’t believe that he deserved it.

“I’m real good with technology”, Jim said. “I was told I have an affinity for it. And I like engines. Stuff just comes naturally to me”. He shrugged. “I test off the scales on everything; I’m clever, genius-level clever, but all I want to do is work with engines”. He stopped, having clearly surprised himself with his admission.

“What about your family?” Leonard asked, and knew immediately that he had said the wrong thing. Jim’s face, which had been showing a little animation, closed down, his eyes shuttering. Carefully, he laid the textbook down on the table.

“You make sure that gets back to the guy”, he said. “And thanks for the food, and thanks for - you know, everything”. He shrugged. “For being interested enough to care, I guess”. He stood up. “See you, Bones”.

Leonard opened and closed his mouth like a fish, and simply watched as Jim left the cafe, hesitate briefly outside the door and then turn right, away from the noise and bright lights, and disappear into the dark, head down against the chill.

_Four_  
Leonard was thrilled to be offered a permanent position at the medical centre. They were willing to let him work around his Academy lectures and duties, so he could more or less make his own hours.

Isaac left, moving out to live with his latest flame. Leonard had lost track; but he thought this one could be called Chris. Christine? Christopher? Who knew? Who cared. He revelled in the extra space and the peace and quiet when he came home after a long day.

El had vanished into the hinterland somewhere. He had the occasional comm with her, but her life had changed in such a short space of time. She was in the boonies somewhere working with kids as she had wished. She had met someone, fallen madly and helplessly in love and was now pregnant. Leonard had been thrilled, stunned and a little bit melancholy all at the same time. He would never have his El back again, she was gone for good. Even if he did ever see her again, she would be a mother, with a partner by her side. Strange, the things life throws at you.

He didn’t see Jim, although he looked for him. He went back to the cafe several times, and once or twice had the weird sensation that Jim had been there just ahead of him. But he never saw him. One time he left a pile of books with the same server who had been there that one time, and when he went back the books had gone.

And then, there he was. Not in the cafe, not poring over a book, not drinking in a bar somewhere (although Leonard had long since stopped going to the Moonlight), but unconscious on a gurney, looking small and very fragile.

Leonard, who had been on shift for 10 hours and was running on empty, saw him out of the corner of his eye as he flashed past on his way somewhere else, but he stopped so suddenly that he felt a muscle in his back ping in protest.

“What’s happened?” he demanded of the medic who was looking after him. “This kid? What’s happened to him?”

“The security forces are looking into it”, said the other man, startled by Leonard’s vehemence, and some part of Leonard recognised it, and he took a deep breath, trying to focus.

“Sorry, sorry”, he said, raising a hand. “I know him, that’s all, and it’s - it’s a shock”. He peered at other’s name tag. “Dr Quarshie. Sorry”.

“No, that’s fine. I hadn’t realised…” Dr Quarshie handed over the PADD in his hand. “Would you like to take over?”

Leonard held out his own PADD. “Thank you, I appreciate it. This kid is in bed four - suspected appendicitis”. He switched on the PADD and studied the case notes.

This kid - James Tiberius Kirk - had been pulled out of a domestic by the security services. His stepfather - Frank - had beaten him half to death and then thrown him into the cellar for the damp and cold to do the rest. Well, that and the intended starvation, since he had ‘forgotten’ to feed the kid for five days. And that didn’t necessarily matter, because after all the kid wasn’t really a kid, but Frank had blocked the door so that he had no chance of getting out. It seemed very much as if Frank had intended to starve his stepson to death. Leonard shook his head at the sheer awfulness of people. Didn’t matter how advanced they were technologically; people were still assholes.

He ran a quick scan on Jim and studied the results. Dehydration was the main issue. He had managed to find some moisture from somewhere to keep alive, but his kidneys were stuttering a bit. He needed rehydrating first and foremost; everything else could wait. He summoned a porter and instructed him to move the gurney into a side ward. “I’ll be along in a couple of minutes”, he said. “I’ll get the IV started up for him”.

He spared a glance for Jim, but no more; this was a patient who needed his help. Later, when things were okay again and Jim was better, then he would become Jim. Leonard didn’t have time for any awareness of him as Jim, not right now. He wasn’t even aware when he had started thinking of the kid as ‘Jim’ and not just as ‘that kid’.

Within ten minutes, Jim was hooked up to the IV and in a pre-warmed bed, piled high with old-fashioned blankets. Leonard finally looked at him properly and felt the anger begin to boil. What was it with this kid? He didn’t come across as a born victim, and yet he seemed to - have things happen. He lay there, still-swollen eyes firmly shut, the lids delicate, long eyelashes fluttering slightly. He was thin, pale and battered. The regen machine couldn’t help him since the wounds were too old to be artificially healed and so he was just going to have to mend in the old-fashioned way.

“Gotta go, kid”, he said. “I’ll keep checking up on you though”.

He put down the PADD very carefully and then marched off to reception.

“Patient called James Kirk”, he snapped at the nurse behind the reception desk. “Who brought him in?” When the young man didn’t move fast enough for Leonard - ie, at warp speed - he had to bite down hard on his anger. He could feel his fingers itching to just reach over and check it all out himself, pausing only to strangle the unfortunate receptionist. What stopped him doing that was the awareness that actually he didn’t know what he was doing and the receptionist, for all he was taking for ever, was still going to be faster than Leonard ever would be.

Finally, the information came through. “Er, he was brought in by the security force”. The kid’s badge identified him as Roger. Immediately, Leonard felt a bit more empathy with him. It wasn’t easy having a stupid first name. 

“Okay”, Leonard said. “And then what? Did the security guy say anything?”

“Oh, he’s still here”, said Roger brightly, as if grateful to have a piece of definite information for the scary man in front of him. “Waiting for the patient to wake up”.

“Okay”, Leonard said again. “And where is he?”

Roger pointed towards one of the waiting rooms. If Leonard craned his neck he could just about see a long leg clad in dark blue, with a well-worn boot at the end. Leonard nodded and crossed the hall, pushing open the door. 

“Hey”, the occupant of the room stood up. “You the kid’s doctor?”

“I’m one of them”. Leonard stretched the truth slightly. “He’s asleep right now, but I want to know what happened”.

“I need to speak to him as soon as possible”. The officer, Gonzales, was tall and dark haired and had an air of suppressed energy that made Leonard hope that perhaps he was actually invested in whatever had happened.

“i get that”, he said in response. “But he’s asleep. He needs to sleep more than anything else. He’s badly dehydrated, he’s been beaten in a very - I almost want to say ‘professional’ way. Whoever did it knew where to hurt. His kidneys are grumbling right now, and we need to get him stable”.

“I understand that”, Gonzales said, nodding. “But the guy who did this? I want him so bad I can taste it. He’s been doing this to the kid for years, and not just to this kid. This is finally our chance to actually get him”.

“Well, why has it taken so long?” Leonard demanded. “If you’ve known about it”.

“Sir, I’m not discussing the case with you”. Gonzales frowned. “But put simply if the victims won’t cooperate, then there’s nothing we can do”. He held up a hand. “Sorry for the tone, doc, but I just - I hate people like him so much”.

Leonard nodded. “Don’t apologise, I appreciate what you’re saying. The kid’s stepfather did this, yes?”

“Mmm”. The officer nodded. “As I say, been doing it for years, since the kid was eight or nine. Only got worse when the kid learned how to fight back”.

“Well, as soon as he wakes, I’ll let you know”, Leonard assured him. “I just hope he’s willing to talk to you”.

Gonzales nodded. “Me, too”.

Two hours later, Leonard was making his way down the corridor towards the rec room, desperate for a coffee to keep him awake. He was in the dog end of the shift now and just wanted to get through the last few hours. That was probably the reason that he didn’t hear anything initially; it was only gradually that the shouting intruded on his consciousness, but he absolutely recognised one of the voices.

“Don’t fucking touch me! Just fucking get away from me!”

Leonard went from a standing start to a full out run in about 0.3 seconds and felt the earlier twinge in his back twinge again. He swung around the corner, only staying on his feet by dint of hanging onto a cubicle curtain and then a passing female nurse who pushed him away so forcefully that he practically cannoned off the opposite wall.

He shot into Jim’s cubicle just in time to see the kid begin to pull out the tubes attaching him to the various drips.

“Jim, stop it!” Without thinking, he half threw himself across the bed and slapped his hands over the tape holding the needles in. Jim, after a single burning glance, raised his arm and carried Leonard’s hands with it. He then sank his teeth into the back of Leonard’s hand. Leonard was so startled that he pulled away. 

“Right, that’s it!” Another medic who had been standing by and not getting involved, leaned over and pressed the emergency button. “Get him in restraints!”

“No!” Jim and Leonard shouted the word at the same time, in entirely different tones.

“No”, said Leonard again, more quietly this time. “It’s the last thing he needs. What the hell happened?” Jim was sitting up in the bed, eyes shifting constantly, very clearly looking for an escape route and Leonard turned to him, leaning down until he could capture the wandering gaze. “Hey”, he said quietly. “It’s Leonard - Bones. Do you remember me?”

The hospital security thundered down the corridor and Leonard quickly turned around. “Tell them they can’t come in”, he snapped. “The kid will freak even more. I’ll deal with this”.

“He’s psychotic!” snapped the other doctor. 

“He’s dehydrated and he’s hallucinating, idiot!” Leonard had the urge to physically kick the man’s idiot butt. “Who was supposed to be changing the IV? Maybe you should do that rather than hauling security in here and scaring the kid shitless”. He turned his back. “Jesus, just get the fuck out, and keep security out as well. I’ll take care of it”.

He bent down again so that Jim could see him. The kid was sitting up in bed, knees hugged against his chest, back pressed against the wall, eyes glazed with illness. “Okay, Jim? I’m here and nobody’s going to hurt you. I’ve got to just change this bag so that it’ll fix you up. You’re just a bit sick”. He reached out a hand and found the extra bag of saline. “You’re going to be fine. You got me? You know who I am? It’s Bones. Bones, the guy who keeps trying to fix you”.

“Bones with the books”. The voice was so quiet it couldn’t even be called a whisper, it was more like a breath, but Leonard heard it.

“That’s it”, he said. “Bones with the books. You got the books? I’m so glad. I thought of you when I bought them, I bought you all different subjects because you like everything, you’re a knowledge garbage can”.

Expertly, he rigged up the drip and let his eyes flicker up to make sure it was running smoothly. He shifted his position and sat on the bed as his injured back tweaked him again. Jim stiffened and held up a hand.

“It’s okay”, he said. “I’ll just stay here, okay? It’s just Bones, remember”.

Jim nodded. “Bones with the books”, he said again. “and the burger”. Leonard smiled.

“Bet you could use a burger”, he said softly and Jim nodded, dropping his head onto his crossed arms. He was clammy and pale, but he was at least calming down. “Well, do me a favour, okay? Get back into bed and go to sleep. When you’re feeling better, we’ll have that burger together”. Jim didn’t move, but as Leonard watched, he saw the kid’s breathing begin to deepen and realised that he was heading to sleep, thank god.

“I’m just going to touch you”, he said. “I just want to get you comfortable in bed. Is that okay?”

Again no response, but when Leonard touched him, although the kid jerked, he didn’t pull away, and Leonard was able to manoeuvre him until he was lying flat in the bed, the blankets up to his chin, arm with the drip lying outside the covers. He looked like a little kid, and Leonard’s heart squeezed.

“You sleep”, he said “I’ll sit here. I’ll be here when you wake up”.

He backed out and pulled the curtains around the bed and then, turning to his colleague and the security staff, let every single ounce of his building rage show. By the end of his tirade, he was only too aware that he was going to end up with a disciplinary, but he really didn’t care. As he said later, he didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. More the way he said it, rather than what he said.

He returned to the cubicle a much calmer man, pulled up one of the chairs and sat down, arms folded. Nobody dared approach him. After a few minutes of sitting like that he decided that he probably looked a bit too much like his father and instead leaned forward to rest his forearms on the bed. Jim was fast asleep, his colour a little better and Leonard quickly checked the drip was still functioning. It was all fine and so he rested his head on his forearms and let himself doze.

__

He woke to a feeling of something touching his hair and he raised his head, startled. Jim, wide-eyed, moved his hand back and did his best to look innocent.

“You okay?” Leonard asked. 

“Yeah, okay”, Jim agreed. “You again”.

“Me again”, Leonard agreed. “What the hell happened?”

“Shit”. Jim let his eyes close. “Welcome to my fucking life”.

“Your stepfather did this”. It wasn’t a question. “Going to guess that’s been going on for a while. Didn’t just spontaneously piss him off?”

There was the ghost of a smile. “I always spontaneously piss people off. It’s a gift. I’ve already done it to you”.

“No”. Leonard frowned. “I’m always like this”.

“Wow”. Jim closed his eyes and Leonard saw the tiredness settle back onto his face. “So what did he do to me this time?”

“Thought you might tell me”.

“Don’t be smart. You don’t know anything about it”. Jim frowned, eyes still closed.

“Okay, sorry. Well, what we can tell, he beat you senseless, dumped you in a cellar and tried to starve you to death”. Leonard shrugged, even though Jim’s eyes were still closed. “Those are the highlights”. Then he sobered. “No, Jim, what happened? Fuck’s sake, you spend your time getting beaten up or - worse. I’ve seen you three times and on two of those occasions you had been assaulted. This makes the hat trick”.

“I’m just really good at being in the wrong place at the wrong time”, Jim said. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be out of here soon enough and I won’t bother you again. Time to move on, I guess”. He coughed and winced. Leonard jumped up to get a glass of water and a straw, the movement making Jim open his eyes. He hesitated for a moment but then accepted Leonard’s arm around his shoulders for support and took a small sip, and then another before pulling away. Leonard put the glass down and sat again, making it clear he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Where would you go?” he asked.

“Just away”. Jim shook his head. “There’s always work for people like me”.

“What does that mean? What kind of a person are you? Other than an off-the-scale genius who doesn’t seem to want to use his mind”.

“I like being clever - Bones”. Jim paused. “But I don’t want to focus on anything right now. I want to learn about loads of - stuff. There’s so much out there, why should I settle for just one thing?”

“So what would you do? Where would you go? Off planet?”

“Maybe”. He shrugged. “Space travel doesn’t really interest me, funnily enough. Dad was a spaceman. That’s what I used to call him, and everybody assumed I’d want to follow him”. He shook his head, eyes still tightly closed. “Not for me. Couldn’t do the Academy anyway”. Again, that little quirk of a smile. “I’d bring it down without even trying”.

“What did your dad do?” asked Leonard.

“Nothing much. Just a freighter operator. Ship disappeared when I was a kid”.

“Oh, I’m sorry”. Leonard patted Jim’s leg without thinking, but the kid didn’t tense up so the moment passed.

“Don’t be”, he said. “He was a nice guy apparently, but I never really knew him. Then mommy dear hooked up with Uncle Frank, and things really went down the tube”. He sighed and put one arm over his eyes. “Doesn’t matter. We’re done”. His breathing suddenly caught. “Where is he, by the way?”

“In custody”, Leonard said. “He won’t get away with this one”.

“Oh he will”, said Jim. “He always does”.

“Not if you speak out”.

Jim shook his head. “Not a chance. I’m not putting out my private life for everyone to hear. I’m not having people realise how useless I am that even now, when I’m all growed up, my stepdad can still beat the living shit out of me”.

“Stop talking like that”, Leonard snapped. “Stop talking like some hick country boy”.

“I’m from Iowa”, Jim said mildly. “How much more of a country boy do you want?”

“You’re a boy from the country, not a country boy. Totally different thing”. Leonard heard himself and marvelled at how prim he sounded. “But you must have something in mind”.

“Not really”. Jim sighed and shook his head. “Look, Bones, I’m tired, okay? I just want to sleep”.

“Sure”, Leonard said. “I’ll be here”.

Those remarkable eyes opened, and Leonard could still see, deep down inside, all the bitterness and betrayal that this kid carried with him.

“Why?” Jim said. “You don’t know me”.

“That’s why”, responded Leonard. “I like a mystery. And you could do with a friend”.

Jim looked briefly startled, but didn’t answer. He closed his eyes and turned away, effectively blocking out the world, but Leonard didn’t move. He stayed in the uncomfortable chair, feet propped on the corner of Jim’s bed, and nodded off to sleep. As a medic, he had slept in worse places than this.

_Four_  
Leonard had learned Jim was a sneaky little bastard. But even he hadn’t realised that he would simply walk out of the hospital three days after being admitted, bold as brass, and disappear into the crowds.

Leonard had been off shift and had gone back to his quarters for some proper rest and a change of clothes. When he got back he went to check on Jim, and the bed was empty. He didn’t worry immediately - after all, the kid was mobile, maybe he was just in the bathroom. But after thirty minutes, he began to ask questions and it was realised what had happened. There was nothing to do about it; he was an adult and not in any kind of trouble, but that didn’t stop Leonard ripping the hospital apart looking for him.

“Dammit, where did he go?” Leonard was standing in the reception area and he addressed his question to the empty air. He got a few strange looks, but nobody spoke to him and he wasn’t given a miraculous revelation. The kid had said he was leaving town, getting away from stepdad. He could be anywhere. He could even have gone off-planet. Leonard could have lost him before he had found him.

Eventually he had to admit defeat and he trudged to the records department to finalise his report. He couldn’t focus on what he wanted to say though - basically a variation of ‘Sorry, lost the patient. Whoops (smiley face)”. Leonard had no idea how to do the smiley face thing; it wasn’t something he felt the need to learn.

He idly scrolled back into the kid’s records to see what else was there, looking for a hint as to where he could have gone, perhaps, or even just using it as an excuse to not close the records, to not admit defeat. He shook his head as he read back over the record. From the age of about eight, Jim Kirk had been regularly in the medical centre with various bumps and bruises, the occasional broken bone. Not all of it could be written off as him simply being a wild boy growing up on a farm. Nobody fell out of trees that often, or at least not without learning to fall. This kid had slipped through every crack in the system. Leonard sat forward, eyes flicking through injury after injury. And these were only the ones that had made it into the records; god knew how many hadn’t been reported. He put a hand over his eyes. “Fuck”. He had seen this kid being beaten up. He had seen the kid in the aftermath of what he suspected - knew - was a sexual assault - and now this. This fucking kid had got right under his skin. There was a nice kid under that brittle shell, and nobody deserved to go through a life like that alone.

Slamming his fist into the desk, hard enough to make the display screen flicker, Leonard stood up. “This isn’t going to work”, he told the wall. “I’m going to find him. I’m not going to be shrugged off. He might think he doesn’t want any help. Well I’m going to show him he’s wrong”.

“Attaboy”, said the wall. Leonard blinked.

“Pardon?”

“I said, attaboy”, repeated the wall. 

“Erm…”

“Behind you, you fool”.

He spun round, and there was El, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over a distinct bulge.

“El!” He hugged her as much as he could. “You’re - blooming.”

“I’m like a house”, she retorted. “A big, swollen, I-won-the-lottery-but-have-no-taste house”.

“Well, you said it”.

“So, best you talk to me”, she said. “Help me off this door frame. I can’t move my vast bulk without a really good build up of momentum”.

Leonard laughed and pulled her upright, amazed at how damn pleased he was to see her. “Didn’t think I’d be seeing you again, not for a long, long time”.

“Wasn’t planning to come back this way for a long time”, she said. “But Bill got himself a fool transfer off-planet and so I’m here packing up the last of my belongings before we go”. She squeezed Leonard’s arm where she held it. “We’ll be gone a long time. Maybe forever”.

Leonard nodded. “Good for you. But not so much for me”. He glanced around. “Actually, El, I’ve been thinking… More and more now I’m thinking about leaving. Leaving Starfleet. Stuff has happened, stuff that has turned my stomach, and Starfleet’s part of it”.

“What?” El looked alarmed. “Leonard, tell me”.

“Not here”. He glanced at the chrono on the wall. “Look, the hell with it. My shift isn’t over, but I need to talk to someone about stuff that’s been going on. Do you have time?”

“All the time you need”, she said promptly. “Do you want to come to the apartment? I’ll make us something passable to eat. Come for dinner. I don’t want you bunking off your shift. Come this evening, about 7”.

“Okay”. Leonard nodded. “I will, and thanks, El”.

“Seriously, Lenny, are you okay?”

He kissed her cheek. “I will be. But I can’t say the same for you if you call me Lenny again”.

She laughed and patted his cheek. “I’ll see you later”.

__

“So that’s it”. Leonard finished his story at about the same time as he finished what was apparently pot roast. Fortunately for his taste buds, he hadn’t really noticed what he had been eating. “He’s disappeared. This broken, abused kid has just - vanished. And I want to find him, El. I want to help him”.

“Why?” El pushed her hardly touched plate of food aside. “Why this one? I mean what’s happened to him is awful - and that’s just what you know - but he doesn’t seem to want to be helped”.

“I feel guilty”, Leonard admitted freely. “El, the kid was _raped_. I did nothing”.

“Because he didn’t want you to”, said El. “This isn’t your fault. He left you in the alley because he didn’t want your help. You’re chasing a ghost, Leonard”.

“No, it isn’t that, not at all”. Leonard sat back, arms folded across his chest. “He doesn’t know how to ask for help is closer to it, I think”. He sighed. “He isn’t a mean kid, he’s just never been helped before and he runs away from it”.

“You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?” said El suddenly. “Leonard, you’ve fallen for a pair of pretty blue eyes”.

“What? How do you know what colour his eyes are?”

“Let’s see… Could it be because about two sentences in, you mentioned his eyes; and then you kept talking about them”. El crossed her arms and rested them on her belly. “It’s fine, Leonard. It’s just like you to fall for a shadow”. Her face clouded. “But I understand about your disillusionment with Starfleet. They’ve let you and themselves down”.

“And Jim. Jim more than anybody”, said Leonard. “They let the attackers get away with it”. He scowled. “I imagine one of those kids coming into the hospital and needing my help. El, I don’t know what I’d do”. He sighed. “I don’t want to be part of an organisation that lets people get away with that, I really don’t. I’ve pretty much decided that I’m going, that I’m going to become that small town doctor. I just don’t know where yet. Back to Georgia? That’s what I keep imagining. But then I think maybe off-planet. I’d like to go to one of the outposts and actually help set something up, be in at the start of something”.

“They’re both worthwhile in their own way”, El said. “And I think that until you’re absolutely sure, you need to stay where you are. Don’t take the step and then find out it was the wrong one. Your kid has gone, Leonard, so it’s time to move on”.

Leonard sighed. “I think you’re right. I’ll look everywhere of course. I’ll go to our cafe and leave him a note, that’s my best shot - what?”

El smiled. “Oh Leonard, you have a cafe? You’ve got it bad”.

“Oh, shut up”, growled Leonard.

_Five_

He left a note. He left a note on three separate occasions, along with food tokens and books, magazine articles he thought would interest Jim - would tempt him out of hiding. Nothing. He looked everywhere he could think; he checked other medical centres; he checked the local security forces in case they had found him; he even checked that he hadn’t been found dead in a ditch somewhere and was lying in a morgue waiting to be claimed.

At some point during his search he stopped pretending that he wanted to help Jim, no more. Somehow, somewhere along the line, this beautiful, impossible kid had crawled under his skin and latched on. In probably two proper conversations, he had made more of an impression on Leonard than most people managed in twenty times that. Leonard wanted to know he was okay, wanted to know he was safe. The kid was his responsibility now; he had let him down before and he wasn’t going to do it again.

But first, and above all, he had to find him.

He left the cafe after another fruitless note drop and leaned against the wall, breathing in the deep air of the night. It was cold now, winter coming in and the year getting ready to turn. Everything was moving on. El was off-planet now, her apartment gone, all her stuff following her out into the stars. He missed her, missed her humour and her common sense. If she had still been around maybe he wouldn’t be chasing a blue-eyed ghost through the shadows.

With a sigh, he pushed himself off the wall and turned towards the lights of the city.

“Hey, Bones”. The voice was quiet, no more than a whisper on the slight breeze, but Leonard heard it as if it had been shouted directly into his soul. He spun around, peering every which way, but not seeing anything.

“Where are you?” he demanded.

“Stop whirling around”. Jim’s voice sounded amused and Leonard stopped. Jim stepped out of the shadows and into the light cast through the windows of the cafe. 

Leonard’s first thought was, _He looks okay, he doesn’t look hurt_. And the he didn’t really go any further. He just looked. His fingers itched. He wanted to touch, but he wasn’t allowed. Jim hadn’t given him permission.

“Where have you been?” he said. What he meant was, _Where have you been? Why didn’t you tell me? Why don’t you trust me? I want to help. I want to know everything._

“I couldn’t tell you”, Jim said softly, answering perhaps one of the unspoken questions. “I couldn’t risk the security forces coming to speak to me about Stepdaddy Frank. It was better for me if I just got out”. He tilted his head and quirked that little smile again. “I’m okay, Bones, I’m getting by”.

“You deserve more than getting by”, Leonard said. He tilted his head in an unconscious echo. “Do you want to eat?”

“I could go a burger or five”, Jim admitted. “And you know, thanks for leaving me the tokens and the magazines and everything. I read them all you know. Molly, the server? She’s a friend”. The smile widened slightly. “She told me you kept coming here. That’s why I’ve been hanging around. I’ve been watching you”.

“You could have spoken to me anytime, you know”. Leonard led the way into the cafe, too relieved to feel that he had been played slightly by Molly, who looked up as the door opened and smiled blandly with seemingly no embarrassment at all.

“I found him, thanks”, Leonard said. 

“He found you, I reckon”, she drawled. “You wouldn’t have found him if he didn’t want you to”. She looked at Jim and winked, then disappeared into the kitchen.

Sitting at one of the corner tables, Leonard folded his arms and looked properly at Jim. He looked okay. He was clean, he was thin, but not skinny. The thin looked to be his normal build, and his eyes looked clear and lucid.

“Stop looking at me like I’m a sick puppy”, Jim said mildly. “You look as if you want to check whether my nose is wet”.

“Is it?”

Jim poked his head forward. “Check”.

Startled, Leonard froze for a second and then smiled, reaching out, but stopping just before he touched him. “I think you look healthy enough”, he said, and Jim nodded and sat back.

“I’ve been thinking about you”, he said softly and Leonard swallowed. “You helped me when nobody else would and you wanted to do a lot more than I would let you”. He shrugged. “I wanted to say thanks”.

“You’re welcome”, said Leonard. And then he stopped, foolishly aware that he was completely tongue tied.

“I know you wanted to do more for me than I would let you”, Jim continued. “But I just didn’t want help. I’ve dealt with trauma in my own way for most of my life”.

“And what’s that way entail?” Leonard was able to speak normally when it had to do with something potentially medical. “You don’t self-medicate do you?”

“Just alcohol”, Jim said. “I don’t do drugs and I don’t drink immoderately, don’t worry”. He rested his elbows on the table. “Shall I tell you how I deal? I go to the library. I read about stuff and I learn about stuff I never knew. That’s how I deal”. He shrugged. “I’m not exactly wild, you know”.

Leonard laughed. He couldn’t help it. It was one of those laughs that starts somewhere in your feet and works up through your belly; a proper, full on healing laugh. He pushed back from the table, put his hands over his face and laughed until he thought he was going to die from lack of oxygen.

“Well, I’m a bit offended”, said Jim, sounding as far from offended as it was possible to be.

Leonard held up his hand, completely unable to speak, just laughing and laughing and struggling to breathe. _Hysterical said an interested voice in his head which he slapped down._ No. Just so, so relieved.

“Have you killed him?” This was Molly’s voice and she sounded interested and totally unconcerned.

“I think so”. Jim’s voice was closer now and Leonard felt a warm hand on the nape of his neck. “Man, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you really need to breathe”. A pause. “I could slap you if you think that would help?”

“Or tip a glass of water over his head?” Molly joined in. “I’ve always wanted to see what happens when you do that”.

“I’ve done it”, said Jim. “You just get smacked in the mouth”.

“Let’s not do that, then”.

Finally, Leonard began to calm down and straightened up, still wheezing and prone to strange explosions of mirth. “I’m sorry”, he said, hand against his chest. “I’m just so - it’s just so brilliant that you go to the library. That’s a genius thing to do. Or it’s what a genius would do”. He took a deep breath. “I’m so glad”. He felt weak - emptied out. It felt as if he had been holding in so much tension since the first time he saw this kid being beaten up in the Moonlight, and now - now it felt okay, because Jim had found him, and Jim was fine, and Leonard didn’t plan on letting him go.

Molly put the burgers in front of them and winked at Leonard, who attempted a scowl, but gave up and tucked into his food instead. It was as good as he remembered.

“Where have you been?” he asked when he felt more - grounded. “Where did you go?”

“I’ve been here”, Jim said simply. “Been living in the apartment upstairs. Frank’s out and about on bail, so I haven’t been able to go and get any clothes. Molly’s girlfriend has been getting me some stuff, but I have to tell you, her taste is for shit”.

“I’ll get you some tomorrow”, Leonard said. “Are you okay here? I have room in my quarters…” He tailed off. “I’m not trying to pick you up, I swear”.

“I know”, Jim said. “I’ve worked that out about you, you know; you’re so honest. I’ve never known anybody like you. You’re so - kind”.

“Not many people would think that about me”, Leonard said. “I usually scare people away”.

“Then they don’t see what I see”. Jim sat back. “You’re a good man, Bones”.

“I think you are, too”, Leonard said. “I think you just need some stability, you know?” He paused, tapping the table top. “Listen to me, Jim. I’m leaving Starfleet. I’m going off-planet. There’s a new station called Yorktown, absolute state of the art. I’ve applied to work there, and been accepted. It’s a long, long way out; you’d be safe there from - from anyone and anything. Do you think you’d like a new start?”

“With you?” Jim looked at him, unsure. “What are you offering me, and why?” He shook his head. “I still don’t understand. Glad you’re leaving Starfleet, but is that because of me?”

“Partly”, Leonard admitted. “When you were - assaulted - and nothing happened to the attackers, that started something in me. It was wrong, totally wrong. And then when I couldn’t help you… This is my chance of atoning for that, and I want to take that chance. Come with me to Yorktown, Jim. I’m not saying you have to stay with me when we get there. Find something there that suits you, make a life for yourself. Accept this as a new start from someone who just wants to help you”.

“You’re such a good man”, Jim said. “Like I said before, you’re kind”. He paused. “Listen, Bones, I have nothing for you. I would be dependent on you totally, until I found something”.

“But you’re not saying no”, said Leonard. “Please, do this for me. Make a new life, and if that life involves me that would be fine; but if not, that would be fine as well, because at least you’d be away from this place”.

To his utter surprise, Jim leaned forward and kissed his cheek then sat back and smiled. The first genuine, guileless smile Leonard had ever seen from him, and _fuck me_ , he thought, _look at that._

“I wouldn’t ever betray you”, he blurted. “I’m not like that”.

“I know you’re not”, Jim said. He sighed. “Big fucking adventure, I guess”.

“I guess”.

Something inside Leonard seemed to settle. _Perfect_ , the little voice said. _This is what I was looking for._

_Plus One_

Bones woke late, the blinds doing their work and keeping out the brightness of the day. He had worked a long shift the day (and night) before and he had come back to the apartment, collapsed into the bed and fallen right off the edge into unconsciousness. 

He screwed up his face and then forced one eye open to check the time. He was off today, but had a lot of chores. He was still finding his way around Yorktown, which was stunning, a fragile snow globe in space. Just last week, he and Jim had watched the _Enterprise_ , the flagship of the fleet, dock and disgorge its crew. They had caught of glimpse of the legendary Captain Pike, tall and distinguished in his uniform.

“Could have been you”, said Jim. “If you’d stayed on at Starfleet, you could have been on the _Enterprise._ ”

“Happier now”, Bones had said immediately.

Jim, who had a job setting up a display of the history of Yorktown (“history”, he had said dismissively, “what about stuff that happened more than a month ago?”), dug in his bag until he found his new glasses. He could easily have had his eyes surgically corrected, but he liked the glasses. He had only found he needed them during the statutory medical. Bones thought he looked fucking magical in them, but didn’t say it.

Yorktown was going to work for them. For both of them. For whatever the future held, it was going to be right.

Bones yawned and turned over in bed, spooning himself around the body next to him, still heavy and warm with sleep. He reached out and stroked the soft shoulder and Jim muttered, but didn’t wake. He slept so well now, now that he felt safe and loved and secure. He had screamed his way through the first couple of nights, convinced ‘they’ were coming to get him, but he had calmed down, and now slept like a log. _So beautiful_ Bones mused, as he did every day. _This was what I was waiting for. This was why I wanted to find him_. He kissed Jim’s shoulder and began to pull away until a muzzy voice stopped him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jim rolled over onto his back and smiled up at Bones, eyes sleep heavy and filled with something now that was as far away from mistrust and betrayal as it was possible to get. 

“Wasn’t going anywhere”, replied Bones softly. “Got absolutely nowhere else I want to be”.

The End


End file.
